The Bride With White Hair (Bai fa mo nu zhuan) - Prolific superstar Brigitte Lin gets her “Wolf Girl” going in Ronny Yu’s lavishly produced (the word “baroque” springs to mind) wuxia epic. The film is so busy it never seems to stop for a single complete breath. But if I had to guess, I would say it is going for Chinese historical actioner meets Romeo and Juliette. Lin is along for the ride, taking her performance from cackling evil sadist to innocent puppy love in a way that has to be seen to be believed. The film has to be in the running for most decapitations, and if the occasion serves, the Bride’s whip can cut a guy in half. The Bride With White Hair’s agenda was never about telling a clear or coherent story in its too brief 89 minutes (the ending is a bit of a baffle along with the middle and the beginning) but it gets the pulse racing with all the mayhem on display. And at the centre of all the fight choreography, flowing linen, wavering flames and charging horses is the iconic image of one of Hong Kong’s most memorable actresses.
Sexykiller (Morirás por Ella) - This lively Spanish genre-masher was originally to be titled Barbie-killer (intimidation because of the popular brand or directly by Mattel is unknown), and that pretty much says it all. An air-headed fashion obsessed medical student (she is there for the anatomy class to get her kicks) starts moonlighting as serial killer and takes out her fellow students on campus. She sometimes sleeps with them, sometimes not. She does a mean monologue and counts Travis Bickle as one of her role models. More importantly: She is fun and shallow and beautiful. It’s a Barbie world. Sort of. Do not get on her bad side (and this is startlingly easy to do) or be prepared to be knifed, hung or shot by a sassy babe in an outlandish wardrobe. The strength of Sexykiller is not its brutality or its gore or its (god forbid) plot. No, the strength here is that is big, bold, bright and colourfully shallow entertainment. It is the candied apple version of David Fincher’s Fight Club (complete with fourth wall breaks and CGI assisted magazine spread walk throughs) all re-purposed as an a love-letter genre spoof. A knowing and full-on performance from leading lady Macarena Gómez invites everyone in on the joke, even as she pokes out an eye or two.
Transporter 2 - There is something sublimely silly about a 50kg heavily mascaraed supermodel opening up her white doctors coat and breaking out two Uzi’s while showing off a translucent pink bikini top. As Luc Besson productions go, La Femme Nikita may have been the more appropriate choice (Lola is somewhat of a hybrid of Nikita’s assassin and Blade Runner’s pleasure model Pris), but Transporter 2 is too fun to ignore for something like this. Kate Nauta normally models for clothing and cosmetic companies, and her acting resume hasn’t grown very much since this, her film debut here as Lola. There is no denying, however, that her toned body sweats well while firing hundreds of rounds at a well dressed Jason Statham. It is at the point where she full on licks him that things start to approach the priceless tag. Statham is not amused. To say that she Transporter 2 is the guiltiest pleasures on offer from modern popcorn cinema is apt enough, and the raccoon-eyed hit-woman Lola plays a part of the films mix of goofy sleazy and happy eye rolling. Icing on the cake: the ‘Death by Rabbit’ tattoo, which the camera lingers over while passing up her thigh on more than one occasion.
Army of Darkness - Perhaps the most silly and endearingly self-aware entry on the list is Embeth Davidz as Dead-ite possessed medieval maiden Sheila in Sam Raimi’s third entry in the Evil Dead series. She goes from a naive but generous lady of noble birth (who is not above an occasional stoning, but work with me here) who takes the time to knit the (ostensible) hero a blanket to keep warm on his quest. She does this even after sharp and witty rebukes like “First you want to kill me then you want to kiss me. Blow.” and “That’s just what we call pillow talk, baby,” from dunderheaded 20th century sporting goods clerk, and all around demon-slayer Ash. It is not long into Ash’s quest to get home before: “Honey, you got reeeal ugly.” Presto. Sheila is a cackling spear-wielding, sexy super-witch that gives Bruce Campbell a run for his money on scenery chewing. Her cocky machismo is funny, confident and pretty darn sexy to the point that, really, who misses the old Sheila? “Yo, She-Bitch. Let’s Go!”
Audition (Ôdishon) - As a television producer, perhaps holding ‘fake’ auditions to select a wife was not the most ethical or intelligent way to head down the path of holy matrimony. Audition is Takashi Miike’s cinematic PSA on that particular topic. One of the Japanese mad genius’s more restrained works, there is nevertheless something quite disturbing when a reserved and proper Japanese wallflower takes a phone call in her sparsely furnished apartment. Moreso when a tied burlap sack in the background twitches at the end of the conversation. This slowly but steadily escalates into full blown Miike mayhem where the quite likable fellow Aoyama (the auditions were a friends idea) gets Asami’s novel brand of acupuncture. Obviously delighting in letting her wild side out of the bag, actress Eihi Shiina can be currently seen starring in the significantly less restrained in Tokyo Gore Police. It is the very ‘grounded’ first hour that lends impact to the second half of the Audition and allows for it to resonate after the final reel. But when Shiina’s innocent Asami slowly sheds her white outfit for the black leather gloves, you can just hear Miike’s knuckles cracking in the background.
The Last Seduction - Linda Fiorintino’s finest hour was in John Dahl’s decidedly unconventional 1994 neo-noir masterpiece. Placing the femme fatale front and centre in the picture, and making her far more capable of violent action than any of her classic noir counterparts makes for some pretty compelling viewing if you do not mind the messy morality. Forget Sharon Stone’s Catherine Tramell in Basic Instinct. As the definitive über-bitch, Bridget Gregory is where it’s at. The only one on to her schemes and her wickedness is (of all people) a divorce lawyer (a delightfully sleazy J.T. Walsh). When he advises her to sit on the money stolen from her husband, Bridget decides she ought to hurry up the process. How far will this woman go to get her million dollars and a lay or two along the way? Driving Bill Pullman into a frenzy of impotent rage, calling Peter Berg her ‘designated fuck,’ and forcing a policeman to expose himself before she drives him through her windshield is just getting things warmed up! The only possible companion for this woman would be The Bad Lieutenant. And yet, brutality has never been more beautiful.
To Die For - A watershed film which demonstrates the incredible flexibility of the sexy-killer character type, and at the same time combines a bit of camp and lot of good drama in effective ways. Gus Van Sant’s sharp and deadly satire of ambition, crime and celebrity in America is perhaps Nicole Kidman’s finest hour. She is Suzanne Stone Maretto, the ditzy looking weather girl a the local cable station with ambitions for a lot more. That is until her new husband (Matt Dillon, who goes from superstud to couch potato after the knot is tied) says “No.” What’s a shallow but beautiful career gal to do? Well, for starters go to the local high school, wrap a few of the students around her finger by filming a documentary on them and get the most impressionable (a young Joaquin Phoenix) to off the lazy bum so she can get back to her media ladder-climbing. To Die For takes a lot of twists and turns, including having its would-be TV star find national fame by dodging the very murder she engineered, but the message is pretty clear: We like fame. We like dirty laundry. And above all, we like to watch good looking people behaving badly. While not top-heavy in the intelligence department, Suzanne is pretty feral in her ambitions, and as her soon-to-be-murdered husband puts it “a volcano in the sack.” Not at all afraid to flaunt either one of these things when the need suits her, she may not look too deadly, but just might be the most dangerous of the bunch.
tj. ne nju nego lik koji tumači. Previše mi zrači neinteligencijom u filmu da bi bi bila na kulerskoj listi... a možda je tu ipak i zbog simbolike naslova filma (onda paše)